


iJust Don't Know

by TechMan



Category: iCarly
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-09-13
Updated: 2010-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-11 19:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/115848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechMan/pseuds/TechMan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Freddie have been dating for nearly six years and he is ready to take the next step. Is Sam just as willing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Walking on Cloud Nine

Walking on Cloud Nine

Freddie sat at his laptop and flipped through the iCarly archive footage. They were coming up on their tenth anniversary so the girls had decided to make the normally thirty minute show an hour long special so that they could show clips from the last ten years worth of shows. He smiled to himself as he thought about everything they had gone through. He could remember all of the fun times he had had with those two girls. He remembered having that huge crush that he had mistaken for love on Carly for almost four years. That was until that time Sam had ousted his secret: that he had never kissed a girl. The ridicule he had received for that little outburst had made him really hate Sam. Then beyond his wildest dreams she had confessed to never having kissed a guy. Then, they shared what he had deemed as one of the greatest moments of his teenage life; he had shared his first kiss with Sam. While the kiss was short, it had fundamentally changed his entire view on life.

After that moment his feelings for Carly, that he had been so positive about, had started to disappear to be replaced by a growing feeling in the pit of his stomach for Sam. It had been that growing feeling that he did not completely understand that had caused him to increase the frequency of their fights along with the severity. He really couldn’t figure out why they were fighting more, but Sam was just as into the fighting as he was. Carly was the only one that was getting upset with their antics. Freddie could remember the final intervention that caused him and Sam to finally cool off their little spats.

 _Junior Year of High School_

Freddie and Sam were currently having one of their big arguments. They had long ago forgotten what they were arguing about, and had resorted to just calling each other names. They were so close to each other screaming different insults that neither had noticed that their noses were almost touching. Freddie had finally had his growth spurt and now was a good six or seven inches taller than Sam. He had continued his fencing and now had considerable muscles beneath those loose fitting shirts that he always wore.

Normally, Carly would just stand there and watch or head downstairs and get something to drink until they finally calmed down. She knew that neither would ever actually hurt the other. Well, Sam would try, but Freddie was more than capable these days of defending against Sam’s attacks; which is why that most days they resorted to just calling each other names. Carly smiled as a devious thought entered her head.

Now, she had managed to get Sam to admit, granted she was usually loopy from the laughing gas at the dentist office or partially out of it from some other method, that she did harbor some nice feelings towards Freddie. And Carly knew Freddie well enough from all those years of him chasing after her that he obviously cared for the blonde headed girl.

Well, now was her moment; sneaking up behind Sam Carly quickly judged the angle and pushed Sam hard in the middle of her shoulders causing the girl to fall forward into Freddie. It was just for a fraction of a second that their lips touched, but that had apparently been more than enough. The two pulled back and looked into each others eyes, seemingly trying to judge what the other was feeling. Then without any words being exchanged they leaned in and kissed for the second time on purpose. Carly watched with her jaw hanging down as her two best friends just seemed to melt into each other. Deciding to give them a little privacy she moved towards the door and headed down stairs.

Freddie, deciding to deepen the kiss, traced his tongue along Sam’s bottom lip. Responding in kind she opened her mouth allowing his tongue entrance. His hands worked their way down her sides before moving in loving circles on the small of her back. Her hands in turn found their way into his hair pulling his face impossibly closer to hers.

 _Present Time in the iCarly Studio_

Freddie continued smiling to himself at that memory. That had been the moment his entire life had changed and changed for the better. That had been the moment he had asked Sam to be his girlfriend. They had been together now for almost six years and he had loved every minute of it. After turning down acceptance letters to Harvard, Yale, MIT, and CIT; he accepted entrance into the Washington Community College where Sam and Carly would be attending. Sam had been beside herself when Freddie told her that he was staying so he could be with her. She had spent hours trying to convince him that she was not worth it and that he was ruining his life by not following his dreams. He would always answer that his life plan and dreams had changed from the moment that she had accepted and returned his feelings.

“Hey dork, what are you doing?” Sam asked walking into the studio with Carly following close behind.

Freddie just smiled at her pet name for him. “Well Samantha, I was just looking through the old archive footage for the upcoming special.

Sam scowled at Freddie, walking up and poking him in the chest. “You know if you were anyone else I would have to turn you inside out for using my entire name,” Sam threatened. Freddie just smiled and pulled her into a long kiss.

“But I am me and therefore I can call you what I want, isn’t that right Princess Puckett?” Freddie asked turning her around and pulling her back into his chest before laying his head into the crook of her neck and placing a quick kiss on her jaw. “I love you,” Freddie whispered into her ear causing her to shutter slightly.

“Yeah…yeah…yeah, you always say that when you think I may hurt you,” Sam responded pushing away from Freddie and moving towards Carly. Freddie picked up the camera in order to start with rehearsals.

‘One of these days I am going to get her to tell me that she loves me too,’ Freddie thought to himself as he started the old familiar countdown. “We're on in five…four…three…two…,” gesturing towards Carly and the love of his life.

As the show continued on Freddie began devising some way to make Sam admit that she loved him and much as he loved her.


	2. Ruined

Ruined

Freddie paced back and forth across the living room of his apartment. He had moved out from his mothers just shortly after high school. His job as a freelance web designer allowed him to have plenty of free time for iCarly and the substantial income allowed him to always keep a supply of ham in the fridge. The reason for his ample supply of ham was also the reason behind his continued pacing.

His relationship with Sam was complicated to say the least. They were open about being together and as for physical expressions of their affection they were very open about that. Freddie had talked before about marrying Sam, but every time he brought it up Sam would make some face , claim that she would never marry a nub like him, or just change the subject all together.

Freddie had been shopping on the side for a ride that just screamed Sam; not an easy task to say the least. He hadn't made a true effort in that department yet, because getting Sam to admit she loved him too was becoming increasingly difficult. Freddie already knew that Sam was the only girl he wanted to spend his life with. A scratching noise brought Freddie back into the real world as he quickly sat down on his couch not wanting to give Sam any clues that he was thinking, and she loved to poke fun at him.

“Hey dork, where are you?” Sam yelled after picking the lock to his apartment. She stopped short eying her dork sitting on the couch a look of framed innocence about him.

“Sam, why won't you use the key I gave you?” Freddie asked patting the couch next to him inviting Sam to join him.

“Mama has to keep her skills sharp Freddifer,” Sam answered jumping up and landing in Freddie's lap. Quickly his hands shot around her waist pulling her closer to him. Sam would never admit it out loud, but she really did enjoy the attention that Freddie lavished on her.

“Yes, but do you realize that I have had to replace fourteen locks since I moved into this apartment, because you keep breaking them?” Freddie spoke through her hair as he buried his face into the back of her neck placing light kisses along the neck line of her shirt.

Sam shuttered lightly as Freddie continued his attentions on her. He alternated between chaste kisses or lightly biting her neck then soothing it over with his tongue. Moving his hands in accordance with is lips Freddie brought his hands up along Sam's ribs. The moan that escaped her mouth was more than a victory in his mind. Freddie brought his lips up next to her ear, “I love you.”

“Yeah, I know you do dork,” Sam responded reaching back and wrapping her arms around Freddie's head hugging him.

Freddie stopped, turning Sam so he could look into her eyes. “But do you love me?” Freddie asked trying to make the question sound more casual than it really was.

Sam blinked a couple of times before standing up and pulling Freddie with her. “Come on, Mama wants some fried chicken.”

Reluctantly Freddie stood, wrapping his arm around her waist he pulled her into a quick hug as they made their way out the door. “So where to?” Freddie asked as he locked the door behind him. “I hear T-Bo has returned to selling his fried chicken.”

 _Several Weeks Later_

“Yes, dinner for two at eight if you have it. Perfect, thank you so much,” Freddie hung up the phone pulling out his PearPod and making the notation in his calendar. For the past couple of weeks Freddie had decided that it was time to take the next step so to speak. He was ready for Samantha Puckett to become Samantha Benson.

After looking through every jewelry store in the Seattle area he had finally located the perfect ring for Sam. It was not a traditional engagement ring, but Sam wasn't a traditional girl. Sometime in their Junior year of high school Freddie had finally met Melanie with Sam in the same room. He couldn't believe that they had been telling the truth the whole time.. After discovering the truth about Sam and Melanie, he and Melanie had become good friends. She was always willing to give him incite into Sam's mind whenever he needed help, and now he used that to his advantage.

One Saturday he had called up Melanie and asked her to meet him at the jeweler where he had purchased the ring. Like always, she was perfectly on time. “Hey Freddie, why are we here? I assume that it has something to do with Sam,” Melanie spoke pulling Freddie out from his day dream.

“Hey Melanie, thanks for coming. Yeah, you know it is. I picked out the perfect engagement ring for Sam and I need your ring finger to size it. I hope that's okay with you?” Freddie asked belatedly.

“Yes it's okay. I didn't know you and Sam were finally that serious?” Melanie asked causing Freddie to stumble.

“Why do you say that? Did she say something?” Freddie asked grabbing a hold of Melanie's shoulders.

“No,” she answered removing his hands from her shoulders. “Sam hasn't said anything. In fact she hasn't even hinted that she thought you were going to be popping the question anytime soon. I just figured that Sam paid more attention than that,” Melanie commented following Freddie into the store.

It took about fifteen minutes and the jeweler had the size down. He told Freddie that it would be four or five days before the final ring would be ready. After paying for the adjustment, Freddie and Melanie headed out of the store back towards Bushwell Plaza. “Now promise me that you won't even hint at this to Sam,” Freddie made Melanie promise while they were riding the elevator up to the Shay's apartment.

“You know I wouldn't ruin this surprise for you,” Melanie promised before knocking on the door of Carly's apartment.

 _Two Weeks Later_

Freddie finished adjusting the tie he was wearing. It was one that Sam had picked out for him on their first Christmas as a couple. Before Freddie could finish he heard a knock at the door. It surprised him, because Sam usually let herself in whether using the key or with a paperclip; the lock on the door never did seem to be able to keep her out. Freddie opened the door to reveal a startling sight before him.

Sam was dressed in a short skirt and beautiful blouse. Freddie nearly fell over taking in the sight of her. “W...o...w,” Freddie barley managed to get out. “You look absolutely amazing.”

“Thanks, you said that I needed to be dressed up for tonight. So are you going to let me in or are you planning on keeping me standing in the hall dork-face?” Sam said pushing past the stunned Freddie and into the apartment.

Without thinking Freddie walked up behind her pulling her tightly against his chest. He started placing chaste kisses along her neck. 'Wow she smells amazing,' he thought to himself before turning her around and capturing her lips with his. After a particularly long kiss he once again moved to her neck focusing on the area where her collarbone and neck intersected. Boy, did he have a weakness for that spot.

Sam, had to force herself mentally to ignore what Freddie was doing so she could speak without sounding completely out of breath. “Are we going to go to dinner or did mama get dressed up for nothing?” She asked.

Freddie smiled into her neck as he kissed her one final time before pulling away from her. “Okay Princess Puckett, lets go get you something to eat,” Freddie gestured towards the door grabbing his jacket off the coat rack by the door.

Sam and Freddie walked into the most upscale restaurant in Seattle. Freddie gave his name to the host and they were seated in a booth over by the window looking out over the lake. 'Wow Fredward,” Sam said. “I've never been seated that quickly.” Freddie just smiled in response. “Okay, Queen of the Dorks, what's up? Why are you just sitting over there smiling like some crazed nut-job?”

“Come on Samantha, can't a guy smile lovingly at his girlfriend?”

Sam leaned in close to Freddie's face; their noses were almost touching. Reacting naturally Freddie closed his eyes and began to lean into the kiss he thought was coming. The pain was abrupt and sudden as Freddie quickly leaned back rubbing the red spot that now adorned his forehead. 'Hey, what was that for?” Freddie asked glaring at the blonde demon across the table.

Nonchalantly Sam sucked on her drink doing her best to keep her innocent face on and not burst out laughing. “I've told you before, do not call me Samantha in public.”

'But I call you Samantha all the time when we are at the apartment?” Freddie responded looking hurt.

'That is in private; this is in public. A girl has to keep up her reputation.”

'You know Sam, that doesn't even make sense.”

“Yeah whatever; where's my dinner. I'm starving,” Sam ended that conversation by picking up the menu and browsing through it.

Freddie toyed with the ring in his pocket. Nothing could ruin this evening. After they ordered they ate in companionable silence. After desert, of which Sam ate both his and hers. Freddie made his move. “Hey Sam, why don't we go for a walk around the lake?”

“Sure Freddork,” Sam said laughing at the look on his face. “If I didn't pick on you, you would think I didn't like you,” she responded.

“I know,” Freddie grabbed Sam's hand, intertwining their fingers, and led her down by the lake. The sky was so beautiful and the weather was perfect. Pulling on Sam's hand he spun her around to face him. The look of surprise on her face made his heart melt.

Freddie reached up cupping her cheek in his hand, slowly he pulled her down into a passionate kiss. Pulling away Freddie knelt down; keeping a hold of Sam's left hand. The look of surprise, shock, and recognition on her face made Freddie smile. “Samantha Puckett, I love you more than anything else in the world, and I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with you by my side. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” Freddie asked looking into the most beautiful set of blue eyes he had ever seen while preparing to slip the ring on her finger as soon as she said yes.

Freddie's smile began to falter when a response wasn't immediate. Taking stock of Sam's face it looked closed off. Without warning she pulled her hand from his taking a few steps back in the process. “I...I...I...just don't know,” was all Sam said before turning and racing across the path back towards where the car was parked.

Freddie just slumped backwards onto his hands. He didn't know what to think. His mind was completely blank. The only thought that continued to enter was the fear that he may have just ruined the best thing he had ever had....


	3. How Do You Feel

How Do You Feel

Freddie just fell backwards onto the hard sidewalk. His mind refused to allow him to comprehend what had just taken place. The only recognition of this feeling was when he had first seen his grandmother dead for the first time. It wasn't real, and his mind wasn't going to let him make it real. The girl of his dreams and the absolute love of his life, had taken off running after he had asked her to marry him.

Freddie didn't know how long he sat there in the middle of the track that wrapped around the lake. He didn't notice the people that walked by, or even the few that asked if he was okay. The ring he had held in his hand lay forgotten by his feet. Anything and everything other than the rejection of Sam ceased to exist for him. The only thing in Freddie's world at that moment; was the complete destruction of it. All his dreams of a perfect future with Sam seemed to dissolve before his eyes. Like something that you see through a dense fog bank only to realize when you arrive that it was never really there.

A hard tapping on his shoulder brought Freddie back to reality. Turning he hoped to see Sam standing there. The smile that had threatened to break across his face quickly faded into one of confusion. “Excuse me sir,” the police officer said, “the park and track closed over an hour ago. You will need to leave immediately.”

Freddie stood as his body operated on autopilot and began moving to where he had parked the car. Glancing over his shoulder he noticed the cop looking his way eying his movements suspiciously. Freddie stopped in the parking lot looking around trying to figure out what was missing. Then it dawned on him; the car. Sam must have used the spare key he had given her a while back to get home or wherever she was heading. A short sad chuckle escaped him as he dug around in his jacket packet for his Pear-Phone. Freddie scrolled through his contact list finding the number he needed in short order. “Hello, I need to arrange a pickup,” Freddie gave the address to the operator and sighed at the twenty minute delay of the taxi.

Freddie paced around the empty parking lot waiting for the taxi; the police officer still staring at him from his own patrol car. Finally the taxi driver pulled into the parking lot; waving sarcastically at the officer Freddie got in, giving directions to his apartment.

Freddie paid the taxi driver and headed into the apartment. He stopped outside of his door eying it with a great deal of trepidation. Slowly he inserted the key and opened the door. The apartment was pitch black, and Freddie felt a renewed pang of depression course through his body. Without even realizing it; Freddie had hoped that Sam would be there waiting for him.

Freddie headed towards his room and changed out of the suit he had been wearing. Looking over at the clock he groaned knowing that he was going to be getting back up in less than five hours. “Why me,” he mumbled out loud before collapsing onto his bed.

Getting up the next morning was harder than Freddie could have possibly imagined. He hadn't really slept at all that whole night. He kept reliving Sam running away from him. Grumbling the whole way he stepped into the shower. After getting dressed he headed towards the Shay's apartment before he had to get to work. Two knocks on the door and Carly answered in her normal cheery way.

“Freddie, you look horrible, come in,” Carly stepped aside to allow Freddie to walk in dropping on the couch with more force than necessary. “Freddie what happened, how did your proposal to Sam go?” she asked before sitting down on the couch.

“Dinner was great then we took a walk down by the lake. I asked Sam to marry me and she freaked out. She ran away from me! I just hope she was the one that took my car,” Freddie looked at Carly as he spoke the smile that had been on her face a moment ago changing to one of concern.

“Have you heard from Sam?” Carly asked.

“No, I was kinda hoping that maybe she had called you after she left me. Carly, did I just ruin my relationship with Sam?” Freddie looked up with pleading eyes praying she would tell him everything was going to be alright.

“Freddie, I don't know. You know Sam, she has real problems with change sometimes. It took her forever to even admit that you two were an official couple,” Carly patted Freddie's knee in a caring way before standing. “Do do you want some breakfast?”

Freddie glanced at his watch before answering, “No, I have to get back over to my place and get logged in. I have an upgrade I have to do today for one of my major clients.” Freddie answered with a weak smile before standing and heading over towards the door. Waving a quick goodbye Freddie headed back towards his apartment.

Carly watched as her best friend left. She could almost feel the pain radiating off of him. She shuddered at the thought. Freddie was nothing else is not a completely committed person. He always gave himself 100% to whatever he was doing. She remembered when he had been in love with her; nothing could sway him from it. Then when he fell in love with Sam, he gave his heart to her.

“I don't think I could have given Sam that much power over me,” Carly thought to herself as she went about making breakfast for her and Spencer. While she moved about the kitchen, Carly absentmindedly wondered when Sam would be gracing her apartment.

The knock she had been expecting came around noon. Carly opened the door to reveal Sam in her trademark shorts and hoodie. “Freddie isn't here is he?” Sam asked peering around Carly's shoulder. “No Sam, he is back at his apartment. What happened?” she asked pulling Sam into the apartment.

“I don't know Carls, I just got scared,” Sam looked to her friend pleading for her understanding.

“Sam, I know for a fact that it bothers you that Freddie seems to love you no matter what you do to him, but Freddie is that all or nothing kind of guy. For the past six years as far as he was concerned you were his entire world. When he came by this morning he looked really bad.”

Sam gave a dark chuckle in response. “Do you think that is what I wanted to hear? That I have managed to crush the one person that cares about me as more than just a friend. That I have just managed to destroy any chance at a relationship that I may ever have?” Sam glared at Carly daring her to claim that it wasn't true.

Carly reached out and grabbed Sam's shoulders giving her a shake. “You weren't listening Sam. You may have really hurt Freddie, but if I know him at all, he is waiting for you to show up. I mean come on the guy is a glutton for punishment when the punishment comes from you,” Carly tried to make a joke out of the situation, but neither thought it was all that funny.

“Sam,” Carly asked any hint of humor leaving her voice. “Do you love him? I know you like him and I know that you have fun with him, but do you love him?” Carly looked directly into her best friends eyes.

“I don't know,” Sam said in a defeated voice. “I care about him Carly, but is it love? I just don't know. I can't stand the thought of causing him pain if I don't really love him. Then I just react and hurt him more than I could ever imagine. I saw his face when I left Carly. I think he would have looked less hurt if I had shot him.” Her normal voice breaking out on the last part.

Carly smiled at Sam's little speech. “I think you have just answered the question.”

“What do you mean I have just answered the question?” Sam asked eying Carly with extreme skepticism.

“You just told me that it bothers you when you hurt him and that you hate causing him pain. It sounds like you love him Sam. You know he is in his apartment right now working. Just go over to him and tell him that you love him,” Carly suggested giving her friend a little push towards the door.

Sam remained planted right where she was. “I can't do that,” Sam said hanging her head allowing her face to be covered by her hair.

“Well, why not?” Carly asked folding her arms across her chest.

“Look if I go back to him he will be all happy and ready continue right where we left off. The problem is that I don't know what I want. You may be right, and I may love him, but there has got to be someone better for Freddie than I am. Like I said all I do is hurt him than apologize for it later. As much of a dork as he is; he deserves someone that can be nice to him without being mean to him all at the same time. He deserves someone better,” Sam stated rising her head and staring directly into Carly's eyes.

“Sam, I think if you do what I think you are planning on doing, you may hurt him and yourself more than you could possibly imagine. Just be sure you know what you are doing before you do it. Now, lets get some lunch I'm starving,” Carly tried to brighten the mood standing and dragging the blonde girl with her.

 _Later That Afternoon_

After spending the entire day talking to Carly, Sam had finally made up her mind on what she was going to do about Freddie. Sam laughed at herself. She had never spent this much time thinking about anything. Granted this was a choice of either marrying the dork or breaking up with him. Both options caused her stomach to flip, but she owed him a choice. Now whether he was going to like her choice or not was still up in the air. How do you judge how much you have hurt another person when the damage isn't physical? How do you tell when you have broken a person's heart enough times that they cannot forgive you?

Sam puzzled over these questions while she climbed the stairs towards Freddie's apartment. She could have taken the elevator, but she needed some time to think without Carly voicing her opinion. Her hands where shaking when she knocked on his door, knowing that he would answer. She never knocked on Freddie's door, she either just walked in or picked the lock. She could hear the faint rustling of Freddie approaching the door and the distinctive click of the lock.

Sam's breath caught in her throat as she looked at Freddie. His shock was mirrored on her face. Man, Carly wasn't joking; he did look horrible. Taking a deep breath Sam steadied herself. “Freddie, we need to talk; can I come in?”


End file.
